I fidget. A lot. I fidget with my phone face, I play with pencils,and I twist my hair. Partly because I bored, and partly because I’m human and have anxiety. We all do in some way and sometime. Accept it.
After accepting the anxiety many feels just fine, and get get by appearing like the “normal” person. They are “stronger”…etc. My way of dealing with anxiety is fidgeting, and that eventually leads to self harm.
My priest has always been my go to guy when I’m having problems with anxiety. Always accepting me with open arms, and making me feel loved when I leave his office.
Him and I have been working on helping me conquer self harm, and are making progress day by day. This process started about a year ago I believe. Since the day he found out there has always been time for me. It could be a text late at night, or a random visit to his office. He is there.
A few weeks ago I was panicking, so like I often did I shot him a text. However, he has just aboard a plane for new Zealand! He sent me a response explaining he was going to be gone the new two weeks. I felt like I was going to die. How was I going to make it without the person that reminds me of my faith, and supports me???
I did make it though, and the week he came back I found myself in his office. I was super anxious, so we started talking about what I can do to avoid cutting.
He said he had an idea and handed me a beautiful cross he got in New zealand that fits in the Palm of my hand. It is to use to fidget with, or pray with.
For me it is much more. It remind me when I’m at my lowest point that I’m loved for unconditionally no matter what I do. It brings chills to me to think about how many people do care when I grab the cross to fidget with.
Even people I do not know care. While my priest was in New Zealand for a event he requested prayers for me. People fulfilled his request. People from all over the world are praying for me.
People care for me all over the world. God cares. My priest cares. I’m blessed, and I’ll forever treasure the cross he gave me.