Break ups never end. I still feel like I am in the middle of a break up even though I broke up with him weeks ago. There is still a lot of emotion bad, and good.
On Tuesday I decided I missed having a sex life while at a movie with my friend Aaron, so I decided to pull the ” i’m going to the bathroom” trick and left. My ex and I met up and had sex. I didn’t tell him that I ditched someone at the movies because I didn’t want him to think I was still all over him. Mostly because I am pretty much over him. I’m just not over not having a sex life. ;) Jk. I don’t think I ever want to share my body with anyone. Too scary considering they could end up being an ass and fuck up your head for a block of time. It’s scary that I let one person control my mind so much.
Anyways, I told a friend that I ditched a guy to fuck my ex. She decided to later contact my ex and chew him out for being a bad influence. He didn’t even know that I ditched a guy to have sex with him. *sigh Long story short a lot of drama blossomed from that unfortunately. The girl I thought I was friends with for 12 years posted a status about hating me on Facebook. Glad I’m Facebook officially hated. Not. So, instead of just you know loosing my ex boyfriend I lost my friend of 12 years.
Fortunately my friend Tyler has been there for me through all of this. When I told him about the recent drama he just reminded me of how we talked about the whole concept of just not caring. And honestly. I don’t care. I don’t care that my old best friend hates me. I don’t care that my ex and I broke up. I believe it is all meant to be, and I’m a lot happier with not caring. This is not how I would have planned for things to happen, but it is what is it. I cannot control everything, but I can control my behavior.
All I can do is focus on the good healthy friendships I have, and focus on all the other good in the world. There is a lot of it. :)
(I’m happy to say I haven’t smoked for a week, and I’ve been working on daily. )